Two days before the concert and I am feeling very stressed. I no longer need a future event to keep me going, the thought of going to a concert by myself is terrifying, and I can't name a single song from Willoughby Tucker, I'll Always Love You. I no longer resonate with the character that is Ethel Cain, such as in Preacher's Daughter. I try to resell my tickets, but of course I have left it too late.
So, like everything, I suck it up and decide to make the most of it. I get ready in 20 mins, I'm wearing my favourite Party Girl outfit, which although cute, is not really Amsterdam practical appropriate. An older man mutters what I can only assume is a slur at me. I suppose there is always a silver lining to having a sub-standard understanding of Dutch. Is it really offensive if you don't understand it?
I am so nervous, but I go on my way to the concert. Unsurprisingly, it is incredible. Ethel Cain delivered an excellent performance, and her use of religious symbolism felt liberating in the face of an increasingly conservative world. The show was a slightly sacreligious celebration of queer joy as a beautiful rebellion against fundamentalism, and her voice was so incredible that I had goosebumps. My nerves melt away, and I feel completely free by myself. Plus, I really get the new album now.
My top three songs from Willoughby Tucker, I'll Always Love You:
1. Fuck Me Eyes
2. Waco, Texas
3. Dust Bowl
On reflection, how silly of me to be scared to go to a concert by myself. I have learnt so much from moving across the world alone. I am growing and living and learning and finding strength in myself. The me from my first blog post would be proud. Such a short time it has been, and how much has changed. How lucky I am to be in this beautiful new place, as a beautiful new me!
Love from NL, Hannah
No comments:
Post a Comment